A Load of Bull
by GintaxAlvissForever
Summary: Whoever decided it was a good idea to dress up as a Minotaur to scare Pit is going to get it. The Smashers who participated in the Constellation event (or simply Pit's birthday) obviously didn't know of Pit's fear, but Pit doesn't care and intends to get them all back for humiliating him in front of his Goddess.


**A Load of Bull**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. I only own anyone from the Golden Land.** **I also do not own Queen's Blade that is owned by Hobby Japan. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters.**

 **Summary: Whoever decided it was a good idea to dress up as a Minotaur to scare Pit is going to get it. The Smashers who participated in the Constellation event (or simply Pit's birthday) obviously didn't know of Pit's fear, but Pit doesn't care and intends to get them all back for humiliating him in front of his Goddess.**

 **Pairing: Pit/Dark Pit and Ganondorf/Palutena with hinted Robin/Shulk and Magnus/Dunban**

 **Rated: M (for mature)**

 **Genre: Drama, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friendship and Family**

 **Warning: Swearing, sexual violence, sexual humor, tentacles, tickle torture, bladder failure, yaoi, and unintentional OOC**

 **In which I continue to go with stories of Pit being mean spirited. This will get pretty kinky for some of the Smashers he punishes and I think it's kind of obvious who was the mean one to Pit. Enjoy!**

Chapter 1: Judged: Gemini and Libra

* * *

 **Gemini**

Dark Pit had to constantly ask himself how things got to this point. He was only trying to do good for Pit for once, but it backfired in his face. Now here he was in the locked room with his older twin forced on the bed with nowhere else to run. Bruises were on his wrists mainly from Pit gripping his skin a little too hard. Things had gotten heated really fast and the result was Pit was sitting on the side of the bed shaking his head at the actions he took in a fit of rage and Pittoo still resting his head against the pillow with tears flowing down his eyes. He didn't bother wiping the tears away because more would just drip down his face. He felt like a terrible little brother for the damage he had done to Pit on one of the most important days of his life.

* * *

 _It didn't take a genius to know that Pit's birthday was coming up. As someone born under the Gemini sign, it was just a matter of finding out the exact date of his birthday. Dark Pit had to ask around Skyworld for the exact date of Pit's birthday and how old he would be before taking the information and applying it to the Smash Brothers Realm._

 _Dark Pit felt like he had been an ungrateful replica to the angel captain for a long time now. The least he could do to show that he cared is create a huge birthday party celebrating the 2500_ _th_ _anniversary of Pit being alive. Sure it might have been easier to celebrate it in heaven, but Pittoo was aware that many of the angels did not like Pit and would probably spend more time snarking at him during his birthday than making him feel good about himself. Pit was a braggart so it wasn't hard for him to be happy when he was praised for small things, but the dark angel felt that Pit would get more respect in Smash Brothers Mansion where people were more genuine with their feelings for Pit then the fakers in heaven._

 _It's not to say that Dark Pit didn't ask the royal bodyguards to show up later. He just wanted them to show up after the Smashers were done with their party. The royal bodyguards would prepare something bigger leaving Pittoo to do everything else in the Smash Brothers Realm. It was unfortunate that the black angel couldn't get in contact with Virtue and Jingle on time. He could only nag that angel captain of the Celestial Pirates Julius Santos to deliver a message to his comrade in the Witch Hunter Realm about Pit's birthday. The older angel did remind Dark Pit that Virtue and Pit have known each other for a while, so this isn't something that Virtue would easily miss (he doesn't do his job well as a witch hunter apparently)._

 _The Smashers were more than happy to help Pittoo out with setting the party up to how he imagined Pit would want one to be. When he did his research around heaven specifically when he was speaking the royal bodyguards, he found out that Pit actually enjoyed astrology. It explained why he loved using the Zodiac Weapons that Dyntos made in battle and why he would even give a lecture to those angel children and_ _adolescents_ _that weren't nearly as interested as the brunette was in the subject._

 _Dark Pit's plan with the help of the royal bodyguards was to basically create a sort of play suggesting the origins of the zodiac signs. That meant making costumes for all twelve signs that could easily be recognized from a distance. Pittoo did not understand the story at all, but that was what Palutena was there for. He didn't want to ask her anything because he felt like she would take Pittoo's plan and say that she was the one that came up with something this classy. The green haired Goddess wouldn't dream to do that to her little dark angel. She was feeling pretty lazy on what to give Pit though for his birthday. She considered just giving him a break from angel duties for a year (which wasn't much in angel years, but Pit would never complain). So because of his pride, he just couldn't bring himself to ask his mother figure (that he would never admit out loud) and just went to Rosalina instead since she was called the Queen of the Cosmos for a reason. Rosalina wasn't good with keeping anything from her roommate though so Palutena ended up assisting and insisting to Dark Pit she would not take the credit for herself._

 _With the three of them combined, they were able to ask around Smash Brothers Mansion and twelve other people to help wear the costumes that were easily made thanks to Vitus from the Angel Assembly. Pittoo realized he would have to pay him back later since he charged for making clothes quickly. They were extremely well done and a certain queen wanted to keep her outfit for herself. She said something about a masquerade party in her world, but it wasn't something Pittoo would ever be interested in. Dances and parties were all political and loud for his taste. Pit always reminded him that he wouldn't be able to run away from those events forever and it made the black angel want to slip back into the darkness._

 _As everyone was preparing everything, a few of the Smashers were tasked with keeping Pit busy so he wouldn't go into the ballroom of Smash Brothers Mansion. Pit may have been dull at times but he wasn't dumb. Thanks to Palutena, Pit messed with Pit's schedule where he would spend half the time doing matches to increase his score and going to Smashopolis to stock up on supplies (but he wasn't given a time limit for how long he could stay out). What ended up happening was that another angel (or rather half-angel) that Pit adored named Laila was visiting from her heaven to give her blessings to Pit. The little blonde angel got wrapped into the birthday plan and Dark Pit allowed her to hang out with his older brother as long as she could keep him away until six in the evening. Laila was so happy that she got Pit to herself that the white angel didn't notice that the Smashers were planning something._

 _Dark Pit debated on whether or not to put his costume on now. He was bad at memorizing lines for plays, but it might not be needed if everyone else could carry the play. He felt like things weren't going to go well without Rosalina being a good narrator. Then again, a few of the Smashers were worse at memorization than him, so as long as he wasn't the worst, then he would be fine._

" _I'm the Gemini." Pittoo told himself as he put the comedy mask on his face. He found it odd that Vitus' choice for the twins in this scenario would be the jester. He didn't see himself or Pit as a clown, but maybe they were the laughing stock in Angel Land and he did this as a symbolic gesture of their position in the heavenly realm. Vitus didn't seem like the spiteful guy given he made the outfits on such short notice. Pittoo just found it strange he was the one with the happy mask and Pit had the sad mask. "…Hopefully Pit will like this."_

 _Everyone else had amazing costumes when they finished it. The person in charge of Taurus was having a difficult time putting the outfit on, so they would need to wait a little bit before he came out. Time went by so fast from trying to get the lighting correct in the ballroom to making sure nothing was out of place. Dark Pit had to apologize to the Smashers again for dragging them into this at such small notice. They didn't mind celebrating Pit's birthday. He may have been a jerk this season, but he was their friend and perhaps a Greek based party with food and Greek plays would lift his spirits._

 _Laila came back at the exact time she was told to bring Pit back. She had told him outside that he needed to wear a blindfold though since she wanted to show him something. The brunette suspected treachery but he trusted Laila. He calmed down even more hearing his younger twin greet the two._

" _Looking good with that blindfold, Pitstain. You look ready to hit the piñata."_

 _"Is there going to be candy?" He asked rather excited._

" _Maaaybe. You're going to have to follow us though…after we force you into this outfit."_

" _Wait…what? Hey!"_

 _The two had difficulty stripping Pit simply because he didn't want them to put him in something embarrassing on when he couldn't see. Dark Pit assured him this was not the case and constantly gave him small kisses as a reassuring gesture. The jester outfit wasn't tight in the slightest so Pit didn't feel like he was forced into some pimped out dress._

" _Who is going to be the candy man?" Pit questioned to his younger twin still acting like a little kid._

" _You'll see."_

 _Pit was in a state of calm feeling Pittoo grasping one of his hands while Laila had the other. He felt loved and needed even if he couldn't see the two in front of him._

 _The two lead him into the ballroom where Pit felt like he was entering unknown territory. As Laila took off the blindfold…_

 _ **POP! POP! POP!**_

 _Pit immediately jumped the minute the blindfold came off and he heard the noise. The lights slowly dimmed down on him before reflecting on the Smashers in the room. Some of them were in Zodiac outfits so Pit couldn't tell who they were immediately especially with how the light wasn't shining on them. His attention was to the cake in the center with Palutena, Viridi and Rosalina standing before it._

" _HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIT!" Everyone shouts in union as more party poppers go off._

 _Pit blinked immediately before he gasped. "Oh yeah…it's my birthday today…"_

 _The light angel didn't sound as enthusiastic as Pittoo thought he would be. Now that he could see, he could look at his dark twin and see the outfit he was wearing before looking at his own. He smirked seeing that he was in a matching Gemini outfit and he didn't mind this one bit. Looking ahead, there was a banquet prepared full of food besides the cake. Where the piano would normally be was replaced by a stage brought by yours truly. Seeing everyone in the costumes made Pit realize that they might perform a play he liked seeing in Evangelion as a child (if could successfully sneak in that is)._

" _Happy birthday, Pit." Dark Pit repeated taking the mask off just so Pit could see him grinning behind it. "I love you, you stupid fool."  
_

" _Hey, no need to insult me Li." Pit told him sharing an equal smile that was the opposite of the tragedy mask. His younger twin's grin widened being called that instead of that dumb nickname given to him. "You should refer to me as big brother."_

" _Who would want to call you that?"  
_

" _Well this is my special day…" Pit frowned at the thought. "Uh…I can't believe I'm turning 2500…I'm getting old."_

 _Viridi just laughed at Pit revealing his age to everyone. The Smashers had been trying to guess how old Pit really was since he kept it as vague as possible and got angry when anyone was way off. To hear the age from his own lips just shocked everyone especially since they thought Palutena was joking about how old he was as she wrote it down on the cake in icing._

" _Well, I can officially declare myself young compared to you, Pit!" Viridi declared rather happily._

 _"Oh, gee…thanks…" Pit grumbled. "You must feel so good now to know you're younger than me."  
_

" _Yep!"_

"… _But I wonder if Phosphora is younger than me."_

" _She probably is."  
_

"… _Where is she?"  
_

" _Somewhere."_

 _The back and forth conversation wasn't moving things along fast enough. Pittoo wanted to get straight to the play even if Pit was feeling kind of hungry running around all day no thanks to Laila. She just gave him an adorable smile wishing him a happy birthday like the rest. Palutena urged him to try out the cake (that she didn't make thank god) and to make a wish._

 _Unfortunately, there was one a single miscalculation that made everything go to hell really fast._

 _The person dressed up as Taurus had now just finished putting the outfit on. Because Pit couldn't see everyone in the room well, he didn't realize that Taurus was missing in the group in front of him. If he did, then he should have expected a sneak attack from the person who dressed up as Taurus._

" _Surprise!"  
_

 _A normal reaction would have been to jump back or punch the person. No one in the room was out to get Pit after all. However, Pit only saw the big hands and immediately paled before slowly looking into the darkness and saw a tall figure with huge horns. Eyes leered at him in the darkness. Pit didn't realize how hard his heart was pounding or how his eyes suddenly dilated. The angel captain wasn't seeing the Smasher in the Taurus suit but rather a scary monster from Pit's past._

" _Pit, is something wrong?"_

 _Pit didn't even know he stepped back trembling at the sight before him. He didn't feel like an adult anymore…he felt like a scared little kid that wanted to run and hide. He didn't realize that he let out a terrified scream either that forced someone to turn on the lights realizing that Pit was legitimately scared and not something he would get over anytime soon._

" _PIT?!"_

 _At this point, Pit didn't know what he was doing anymore. All he remembered was when the lights turned on and he saw that it was a Smasher wearing a bull mask, he immediately took the mask that he was given and threw it on the ground. He then crushed it under the weight of his foot._

" _Pit, what are you doing?!"_

 _A sound of someone being smacked echoed the room causing some of the Smashers to gasp. The comedy mask Pittoo was wearing was smacked off of the dark angel and landed right next to the shattered tragedy mask._

 _"You think this is funny Pittoo?!" The light angel questioned with absolute fury in his voice. "You think its funny to have that fucker sneak up behind me knowing my phobia?! Who put you up to this?!"_

 _"P-Pit…I…"_

 _Pittoo had never seen his older twin this angry. The Chaos Kin incident was the closest he had seen Pit furious. This was a different type of anger though. There was absolute hate in his eyes that was being directed at Dark Pit._

" _If this was your plan for a birthday party…then you did a good job making me feel like crap."_

" _Pit, what did I do wrong?!"_

 _Dark Pit honestly didn't know what he did to anger his older twin. Trying to go after Pit was pointless. Palutena wanted to reach out for her angel, but decided against it feeling that the possibility of calming the brunette down after an apparent trigger was incredibly low. The other Smashers were confused at Pit's sudden aggression as he pushed passed whoever was wearing the Taurus outfit._

 _"Pit, wait!"_

 _Laila called for Pittoo to leave Pit alone despite wanting to follow her captain. Unfortunately, this is what would later lead to Pit snapping at him the minute the dark angel forced himself into the room. Never had Dark Pit see Pit cry angry tears when he shouted bloody murder at him. He wanted him to go away and to just disappear. He said horrible things to him that he would regret saying, but Dark Pit refused to leave. Pit resorted to violence in that small moment grabbing at Pittoo's wrists. The angel captain resisted the urge of strangling Pittoo after he heard the sudden shriek from the younger twin._

 _"Stop Pit! W-What's wrong? What did I…do?"_

 _Pit's eyes widened as he forced himself away horrified at what he had done._

* * *

And this was where they were now. Pit looked over to the black angel weakly before standing up. How could he face his younger twin now being the one responsible for his injuries. He was supposed to be the one to protect him, not hurt him!

"Wahh…Pit…I'm sorry…I…didn't…"

"It wasn't your fault Li." Pit spoke rather calmly. This worried both of them given how infuriated Pit was a couple of minutes ago. "We were played for fools…but don't worry…I'll make them all pay."

"W-What?"

Pit gave a sinister smile as he headed toward the door. "Oh, don't worry. I'm just going to play a few harmless pranks on everyone who thought it was funny to trigger me. I'm going to find out who dressed up like the Minotaur and have some fun…but it wouldn't be fun if I didn't get everyone else."

"P-Pit…this idea was mine…don't…"

Pit shook his head convinced that the dark angel was forced to take the fall for everyone should this failed. It didn't matter. He would make sure the Smashers would regret hurting them both. Dark Pit wanted to stop his twin, but lost the strength to do so. He feared for his life for a second and wondered if the brunette would resort to murder…

* * *

 **Libra**

The idea of murdering someone never occurred in Pit's mind. He simply wanted revenge on the people who had did him injustice. He refused to head back to the ballroom where some of the Smashers might have been cleaning up. The food would be wasted, there would be no play and there would certainly be no birthday party without the birthday boy.

Pit knew for a fact that one of the people dressing up in this event was Lucina. Not once did he consider that she was the mastermind, but he knew he could get information out of her on who dressed up as what sign. From there, his punishment would tailor to what zodiac they were.

The way Pit approached Lucina was incredibly controversial. Instead of simply approaching her and asking if they could talk in private, he wasted no time waiting for her to be alone to think about what had just occurred in the ballroom to knock her out. The brunette wouldn't admit that he kept some dangerous spices in his room. If it got into the wrong hands, then disaster could strike throughout the mansion. Fortunately, Pit kept it locked up tight with only Pittoo knowing where it was, but not knowing what it was. Heck on the surface, what Pit had looked like a bottle of spice. This particular spice was called Chloro Spice that was treated the same way as chloroform only it took a less amount to knock someone out. Lucina obviously wasn't expecting this and found herself passing out in the light angel's arms.

Fortunately, this drug didn't last long. He just needed to get her to a place where he could interrogate her the angel way and hope that he didn't do any lasting damage on her. He wouldn't want to if he wanted to maintain a good relationship with Dark Pit.

He made quick work in taking her toward Smash Forest. It was the place between Smashopolis and Smash Brothers Mansion where some Smashers would go to the tranquil forest to train away from the noise or just hang out. Pit knew that no one would be out here in the middle of the night especially after what happened. The angel captain was glad that the Villager children had left some items lying around the forest when they were playing their odd games. This meant that Pit could easily tie Lucina to the tree and wait for her to wake up.

Pit stared at the female lord's outfit from head to toe. She was given the Libra sign with the beautiful Greek robe the color of green patina. When Pit snuck up on her, she dropped the scales of justice. There was no justice in this situation after what the person wearing Taurus did. There was only vengeance.

"Wake up princess. You may be pretty like Sleeping Beauty, but you're not her in this situation."

Lucina was slowly coming to. She only opened her eyes wide when she felt the coldness on her feet. She yelped realizing the situation she was in and immediately tried to move her hand to reach Falchion but found her body tied to a tree. She was horrified that the brunette that ran off screaming bloody murder was in front of her giving her the most menacing stare imaginable.

"P-Pit…what…"

"Lucina, let's cut to the chase. Who participated in this stupid play? I want to know who put Pittoo up to taking the fall when that Taurus bastard hurt me."

"He…hurt you?" Lucina questioned incredibly puzzled. "How? He just…"

"Tell me Lucina. You're not the type to lie." Pit interrupted not wanting her to change the subject or ask questions about his past. "Otherwise…I won't hesitate to touch you."

Lucina obviously didn't think that Pit would resort to a horrendous crime like that. It never crossed Pit's mind. Instead, he ended up plucking a feather from his wings and started to use the tip of the feather to brush at her feet immediately getting a reaction from her.

"Oh, so you are sensitive…despite your calm exterior."

"P-Pit, what are you doing! S-Stop! D-Don't! Ahh! Haa…haa…"

Maybe Pit was enjoying teasing Lucina too much. He did tell Viridi that he would find a way to make her laugh…and well…she is laughing now but for all the wrong reasons. She closed her mouth trying to resist the urge to giggle at the light touch on her naked feet. It wasn't just the feather that Pit was using. No, he was using his free hand to reach for her sides and that wasn't a pleasant experience.

"N-N-N-NO! Haa-haa-haa!"

"Just tell me who is involved and I'll stop." Pit threatened. "Oh yeah, and if you say anything, I'll keep tickling you too. You got to promise me that."

In a fit of laughter, Lucina would eventually give up after three minutes of nonstop tickle torture. Yes, she hasn't laughed in a long time, but this was not the way to go. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and she felt like she was out of breath. Pit enjoyed hearing her laugh, but he wished he heard it under different circumstances. He almost felt sorry doing this to her, but in his mind, it was better to give the person both angel twins adored the least amount of punishment compared to everyone else who would get it whether Pit considered them a friend or not (although to be fair, Palutena would be off limits).

Suffice to say once Lucina was able to breathe again, she could only give the white angel a fearful expression as she outed everyone who participated in the event. Unfortunately for Pit, no one seemed to know who was wearing the Taurus outfit due to how there were technical difficulties with the outfit in the first place. Of course Pit was agitated that he wouldn't be able to go straight to the person who nearly caused him to break down in front of everyone. Instead he would have to go through the entire list of people friends and foes alike. Pit really wasn't pleased at who was involved, but if he wanted to show them who was boss…he would need to teach them a lesson…a lesson that they all would never forget…

* * *

 **Me: TBC with 4865 words.**

 **Li: You can't let Pit hurt people! Not Luci!  
**

 **Me: She got the least humiliating punishment. Knowing me, people should have an idea on what type of punishment Pit would give some Smashers and who they are. Notes!**

 **1\. Pit and Dark Pit being the Gemini does stem from the fact they are twins and the fact the Gemini Orbitars are found in chapter 6 when you fight Dark Pit. I give Dark Pit the comedy mask to show that he's the innocent one of the two and is the one who favors a happy ending. Pit on the other hand has the tragedy mask due to enjoying Greek tragedies and overall hiding his tragic past that Dark Pit lacks.**

 **2\. Related to above be about the play Dark Pit wanted to put up. I write it as a Greek play, but the reality is it's a fictional story that came from Final Fantasy IX's side quest Stellazio. In this side quest, Zidane has to find all the zodiac items that tell a story of eleven of the twelve zodiacs trying to find a way to woo Virgo the Virgin. Since I have a deep love for Final Fantasy IX, I tend to incorporate the story within the story for the angels to read and perform. So explaining the costumes…**

 **Pit and Dark Pit are Gemini as stated above. The costume is that of two twin jesters because they are the fools. I interpret the Gemini role as the twins who thought they could attract Virgo with a beautiful melody. She was out of their reach though so their action was pointless.**

 **Lucina is Libra not only for a joke in Fire Emblem Awakening, but due to the fact that Libra is about balance and Lucina is often the mediator in most of my stories. In the story, Libra walked the opposite path of Virgo never to cross paths at all as if rejecting the idea of falling into the game of love. Lucina's outfit is that of a judge identical to Lady Justice (Themis) whose clothes are colored after the Statue of Liberty but the design is based on the Greek Goddess of Justice. The costume also has a scale. Libra serves as the neutral party in the play and why Pit would go to her first to rat everyone else out.**

 **That's it. Reviews are appreciated and you can say in the review that you think is the one who started and triggered Pit. I'll say it now that it was not out of malicious intent, but it sure as hell isn't going to stop them from coming out and apologizing about it. You can also try to guess which Smasher is the other Zodiac sign and what their torture is. Don't worry! Pit has no intention to murder or rape (especially not without consent for the latter) any of the Smashers. Ja ne!**


End file.
